It's Been One of Those Days... Now get off your butt and go vote!

It’s been one of those days.  Everything is just off.  I woke up early to get to the polls before work, all excited to make my tiny little contribution to our democratic civilization, and they couldn’t find me.  No worries, they only have 3 different poll stations in the same building.  Third try was the charm.  Then I couldn’t figure out the stupid ballot thing, despite the fact that I haven’t missed an election since turning 18, thus earning my legal right to have an opinion.  I went back and forth in the ballot for about 10 minutes trying to figure out how the heck to end it before I saw the giant red flashing button that said VOTE in bold white letters.  DUH.

I go along my merry way, with extra time to spare because apparently, not as many people care about this election as I think should, resulting in no lines at the polls.  I decide to treat myself to Starbucks.  **cue mouth watering and "mmmmmmm"**  I don’t drink there much, but only because of the absurd amount of calories per tasty treat, not for economical purposes.  I’d rather eat a giant bowl of pasta soaked in olive oil and garlic to spend my calories rather than a delicious soy caramel macchiato that I leave 1/3 of behind because I have a slight phobia of backwash… even if it is my own.

About one minute from Starbucks, a lightning bolt of intelligence strikes my dense skull and I realize I left all my school books at home.  (Something I never mentioned before, I’m a full-time student in addition to the position of full-time Douche bag Assistant).  Crap.  I drive home, grab the books and try to ignore the pathetic dog in his cage in my basement crying for his mama.  **sniff sniff** 

I actually made it to work early, not that it matters because I’m always the first to get here anyway.  Bossman promptly shows up 30 minutes late, as always.  15 minutes later he puts his coat back on, grabs his back pack and starts walking for the door.  (The backpack goes everywhere with Bossman, but he never opens it.  EVER.)

Me – “Are you leaving for the rest of the day”

Bossman – “Uh, I have to go close my garage door.”

Keep in mind, Bossman lives at least a 30 minute drive away.

Me – “And you need your backpack for that?”

Bossman – “Well, you never know.”

So that leads to Mystery #2 – WHAT IS INSIDE THAT FREAKING BACKPACK??

Once again, the foremost consensus in the office is junk food.  But, I disagree.  He’s still losing exorbitant amounts of weight which is evident by the loosening of his waddle.  (def: Waddle – the flabby gathering of skin under one’s chin (any Ally McBeal fans will know what I’m talking about)).  Does the backpack and the truck time have a correlation?  We may never know.  I’ve pondered sneaking a peak into the pack when Bossman is M.I.A.  Perhaps one day I’ll summon the courage to do so. 

Now to give you my shpeel about voting.  This society that we live in, this land of the free, it's about choice.  Everything SHOULD be about choice.  So yes, it's a choice to vote or not, however, if you DON'T vote, you're giving up your right to choice, because in essence, by not voicing your opinion, you're saying you don't care.  In my opinion, if you don't care, then you have no right to complain or make demands of our government. 

So do your part, tell them what you think.  You get to live in this country with all of its freedoms and all that is asked of you in return (besides a gazillion dollars worth of tax money) is your opinion.  Whether you think so or not, your one little voice can make or break an election.  I don't know about you, but I'm insanely grateful that I even have the chance to say what I think.  My freedom to think is something I will never take for granted.

I Like Totally Don't Know What To Call This Post

Today I present to you yet another, ceaselessly entertaining co-worker Dingy Von Airhead.

Dingy is lovable, very pleasant and always light-hearted.  For this, I appreciate her very much.  I also appreciate very much the fact that the majority of her thought patterns are nowhere near what one would classify as normal.

When Dingy was first hired, her biggest obstacle was not trying to fit in or getting to know her co-workers, it was how to use the phone.  Across the office we heard in her valley-girl accented tone, “Uh, do I like have to pick UP the phone before I dial?”

Oh my.

She continually refers to clients as sweetie, which in most instances would be considered rude and disrespectful, but somehow, coming from Dingy, it's almost endearing. 

Once, Dingy boastfully told the story of being out of town on a business trip and not being able to figure out how to work the alarm clock.  Her solution was simply to stay up all night so as to not sleep in.  This resulted in an extra dingy Dingy Von Airhead the next day.  An event I’m sorry to have missed in person.  I'm sure the dinginess reached on that day far outshone any other amount of dinginess.

I suppose she forgot that the front desk can do wake-up calls or that her Blackberry most likely has an alarm on it, too?  But, I guess if she can’t figure out how to DIAL a phone that the chances of her being able to set an alarm on one are pretty minuscule.

Another time, as I was in the middle of a conversation with Bossman, Dingy interrupted.

Dingy: “OH MY GOD.  You just scared me so bad!”  **giggle giggle giggle**

Me:  “How did I do that when I was standing here talking to Bossman?”

Dingy: “I was like at the printer making copies and all of a sudden papers started coming out!”

Me: “That’s usually what printers do when you make copies, Dingy.”

Dingy: “But I like SO did not push the ‘Start’ button.  Then I looked and they all had  YOUR name on them and I was like, ‘Oh my god, how is she doing that??”

Me: **crickets chirping**

Dingy: “I like so did not know that you could print from your computer onto the copier!! I thought it was possessed!”

Me: ……….

Dingy: “I know, I’m SO funny, right?!”

Me: …………………………….

With that, Dingy hopped away, and Bossman and I shared a glance of complete shock and disbelief, then carried on like nothing happened.

I am grateful for the plethora of personalities and uniqueness that my office shelters.  No one can ever say that diversity is something we lack. 

However, I have been reported to HR for being racist before… but that’s another story for another time.